2011...Good, Bad, and Best

     So 2011 has been a fantastic year.  Full of some of the highest points I have ever experienced in my personal life.  My relationships with my love, kids and family have been strengthened to depths never before seen or even imagined possible.  I have become more dependent on those around me (a first for me) as well as opened my heart and really worked to tear down walls that took many years to build.  At the beginning of 2011, I took a good, long look at myself and saw several areas that needed a massive overhaul.  I knew that however painful, it would be for the good of those around me, especially myself, in the long run.   Any growth out of a comfort zone can be a cause of discomfort, and this year was no different, albeit not the extremes of the previous years.  I'm sure the comforting love and safety I have found helped immensely with that!
     The previous few years were pretty difficult, so 2011 was a much appreciated break through of life in general.  I really got my head straight, and got down to business.  I made the plan to focus on myself, and to take the opportunity to better myself.  It has taken me years to build the confidence I needed to do this; long story short, I've not been encouraged to better myself in previous years.  Now with the encouragement and support I need, I have stepped out of my comfort zones.  So I took the leap and started school.  Whoa.  Culture shock to say the least!  It's been a while since I've been in the groove of studying and being dedicated like I need to be. Working a near full time school schedule into working full time, along with kids, a fairly new relationship (at that time), and just life in general, there were times I wondered it I took on too much to handle.  But, when I got the statement for my loans, I figured if I'm already in this deep, might as well keep sinkin' in the dough for the education.  And still I roll on...
         Even spiritually, I am in a better place.  Funny how when you're at the lowest point you've ever experienced, the only hope you have is to grasp on to the only thing you have left.  The only thing you know that won't fail.  This year I've learned the true, ultimate meaning of grace and how it has been in effect in my life...even when I didn't actually see it in action.  Or wasn't really paying attention.
         This has also been a year of a massive roller coaster.  While I was experiencing some of the highest points of my life, I was also feeling some of the biggest fears and worries I have had to endure.  While my personal life was coming together, my extended family was facing pretty tough trials with the illness of our mom.  But like families do, we pulled together, rallied around her, and are seeing her through this.  Together.  You hear about families not being able to weather a storm; about how tragedies can put a wedge between families.  But we seem to be closer for it.  I even feel closer to my dad, who has been a rock for me, through all of this.  Even though he is no longer married to my mom, he saw a need in his kids, and stepped in to be the supportive dad we needed.  What really surprised me during this time was how I was able to experience these highest of highs and lowest of lows...all at the same time.  Unlike the proverbial roller coaster everyone talks about.  It was simultaneous.  And somehow, miraculously, I still managed to pull it all together~the kids, school, work, family, mom.  It was tough.  I cried several times.  Didn't know how in the world I was going to manage.  If it wasn't for the incredible support and strength of Sean and his ability to jump in and be everything I couldn't, I don't think it would have been possible.  Doing homework at chemo...staying up well past midnight for homework...yet I knew there would be supper to eat and clean clothes to wear.  He has done far more than his share.  He taught me throughout this year what sacrifice really means.
     Looking back I have overcome so much...with the help, support and love of those around me.  Looking ahead, I have so many things to anticipate.  There are so many exciting changes on the horizon.  Life changing events that are going to better us all for the future...I am so blessed and as the years go by I am able to better and more fully appreciate all of those blessings...both large and small.