Just Gimme a Break Here!!

     One thing I really hate about life is having to walk around all smiley and happy go lucky when there's a load of world on your shoulders.  I've been feeling that way a lot lately; having to just grin and bear it just ain't my style, but it seems it's all I've really been able to do recently.  Seems to be the usual, same 'ol same 'ol stuff, but with an extra dose of blah mixed in with it.  Maybe not blah.  Maybe it's just the lack of patience I've been experiencing.  I know...it's my own fault.  But I'm not perfect, and at least I see what it is.  Seems as though the school (I've started two new classes that are the hardest BY FAR) load is building, the pressure to find the perfect house and move before the lease is up is building, had to get my taxes done (it's pretty complicated...not just a 1040EZ for here) for the lender as well as filling out the new FASFA forms, kid stuff...seems the list just goes on and on.  Now add to that list getting about 100 forms put together of financial records for the lender and now the waiting game.  Oh and throw in two HUGE papers due (that I haven't even started) and baby girl's birthday weekend up ahead which means making the birthday cake, shopping, and wrapping.  Plus all the extra stuff that goes along with a little princess turning 7.  Fun times ahead!  It's 2 in the morning before I blink, then I'm up and out the door by 5:45 to go work out and start the day.  I. Am. Crazy!!
     I really feel some moments I'm gonna just bust...and take everyone with me!  But.  I do have so many blessings to focus on, and that's what really keep me going.  A God full of mercy and grace who wants nothing but the best for me.  I have an incredible family that gets me outta bed everyday.  The love of a man that is the answer to a billion prayers...and then so much more.  Three kids that are every parents dream.  A roof over our head.  Bills paid.  Full bellies.  Fun.  Laughter.  Memories made and being made everyday.  What more does a girl need??
     I guess if I've been a little spacey, stressed, tired, irritated, down, zoned out, or frustrated, I apologize.  I just ask that you put yourself in my shoes...then run.  Run like the wind!!  I'm kidding...all of this is just temporary, right??  RIGHT??  Sometimes it's hard putting yourself in someone else's shoes.  Just remember...chances are, they are probably just trying to make it through the day.  Give 'em a break.         

Pumpkins, Prayers, and Package Deals

          So there is a big day coming up in a few weeks and since I'm a sappy, happy kind of girl, it's making me think back over the past year and how freaking blessed I am.  It's been a year since I've met Sean, and boy has our world changed...for the better, of course!  I'll do you a favor and spare you the details this time of how we met, but don't think I won't post that one at some point!  One thing that I have been blown away about though is how the kids and Sean have built their relationships over this past year.  You'd think they've always known each other; the respect they have for each other really says a lot about the type of man he is.  For a single mom who hadn't really brought anyone around the kids before, I was really pretty freaked out about how this was all gonna go down.  Considering Jordy had been my guard dog and would get mad when the little checker-outer guy at Walmart would chit chat with me~"Don't talk to my mom!" was commonly heard~I didn't have too high of hopes when it came to them meeting Sean.  I should have know better; he's a natural when it comes to kids. 

      We decided to do the big introductions at a pumpkin carving party where there were other kids around for Jax and Jordy to meet and play with, and we thought that way it would at least be be on neutral territory.  They did great, running around and being themselves.  When it came time to clean out and carve the pumpkins, Sean and the kids worked great together, making some pretty awesome pumpkins.  Come to think of it...nobody really wanted mama's help!  The highlight of the night though was at the end when it was time to go.  We were heading out to the truck, saying our goodbye's and thank you's.  I noticed the kids were pretty hesitant to go; really holding back.  Jaxton, my little man around the house who is just as protective as his sister, asked me as serious as he could "Mom, can Sean spend the night?"  After I quit choking on my spit (I seem to do that a lot when caught off guard) and gathering my composure, I explained how that wasn't a good idea and wasn't going to happen.  Then, undeterred, Jax asked if Sean could come over in the morning for breakfast.  Again, telling him that we will see him again, but that breakfast was a little bit too early, both of their faces fell.  They were genuinely sad that they had to wait more than a few hours before they could see him again.  Watching them that night, I could see a lot in the ways that they interacted together, ways that have grown and developed into a relationship that goes past the "my mom's boyfriend" stuff.  There's a real mutual respect, understanding, and love there that, even though they may not have chosen each other, they have accepted each other for who they are.  They've all made the best of being part of a package deal.  I have to say, though, that I seriously got the easiest part of the deal...16 year old boys are SO MUCH EASIER!  I know that it's not an easy road to have a combined family; there are many statistics on the subject that can make your head spin.  But I also know that many, many (probably billions, if that's possible) hours of prayers have been answered.  Many nights I've prayed for this.  Watching our new relationships develop with each other is so exciting!  The kids are thrilled to have a new big "brother" to look up to...even Jordy, who acts all exasperated that now she has two big brothers around but deep down she really does love it and is a goofball anytime Tyler is around.  I am so blessed that God has given me this opportunity and thinks that I am worthy enough for this family...   

I'm getting old. There. I said it.

    I'm old.  There, I've said it.  I never, ever thought I would live to see the day where I would ever admit that.  And honestly, this may be the only time I ever actually do it.  Over the last few weeks, I have seen so many girls, albeit under voting age, wearing the side ponytail thing.  Now, to many people, this really is no big freaking deal.  But, to me, it's a huge major freaking deal.  Because I wore a side ponytail.  The first time they werer popular.  THE FIRST TIME IT WAS POPULAR.  The weight of that sentance is crushing.  There have been other fads that have come and gone that I probably did way back when and didn't even realize had come back around...but for some reason this one is hitting me hard.  Because today, I fixed Jordy's hair in a side ponytail.  The way I used to wear mine.  This is really kinda freaking me out!  And I am sticking tight to the rule that if you wore a style the first time it was fashionable, then you can't wear it when it comes back around.  So have no fear.  You won't ever see me walking the streets of Stillwater rockin the side pony.  Ever.  Cause there is no way in hades that I could ever look half as stinkin cute as Jordy does wearing one anyways.

What were we thinking???