Starting Our Future Together

     Trying to plan a wedding can be a tricky, tricky proposition.  Between the stress of sticking to budgets and trying not to step on toes and hurt feelings, the whole wedding idea just doesn't sound too appealing.  Especially when so many weddings end up being less of a reflection on the two being married and more of a garish attempt at impressing and one-upping.  I mean, how many girls do you know read a magazine then try to repeat exactly what they see?  How many brides do you know have at least a half a dozen break downs in the months and days leading up to their wedding?  Sounds like such a magical time to me...(insert sarcasticness here).  So.  That being said...
     Sean and I were in the middle of planning our traditional wedding for September when we both looked at each other and had our light bulb moment...what the heck were we doin?  Neither one of use really wanted a "traditional" wedding.  We didn't want the stress, or the expense, or the added drama that almost always seems to go along with the experience.  In fact, we had originally planned to have a destination wedding.  But, with pressure from members of extended family (immediate members didn't mind...go figure) we decided to do it here.  Thank the good Lord we wised up before we got in too deep!
     So here is where we are now.  Our original plan was to get married then go on our honeymoon to Savannah GA.  Neither one of us had been there (long story, but important to me) and it just seems like it's perfectly romantic.  While I was looking around at different things, I found some places that do weddings in and around the areas...and there again the light bulb went off again.  So here is where we are...


Breathtaking.


     Our plans include the scene above.  Huge, old trees covered with Spanish moss.  Sunset.  Just the two of us.  Peaceful and perfect.  I'll be wearing a white sundress with my boots (gotta be different!) and Sean will be Sean...we are still working on what he's gonna wear.  Whatever he picks, he will look fantastic.
     The whole point of us going to Savannah to be married is that it will be us.  There won't be anyone to please and every detail will be what we want.  I will be able to focus on marrying my best friend and soul mate, and not worry if the candles are dripping too much or if my flowers were delivered on time.  I want to relax and enjoy our time together.  We plan to wake up and enjoy our day leading up to the wedding...nice and relaxing!  And that is what it is all about.  Relaxing and enjoying each other, and celebrating the incredible time in our lives as we start our future together.     

Up 'Till Now...

     Ok.  So I realize I've been a bit behind on this blogging deal of late, so time to play catch up with our wild and crazy busy lives.  I swore I wouldn't be one of "those" bloggers, but guess I was wrong.  Not the first time, and sure won't ever be the last!!
     School is...well...school.  I dread it most nights but at the same time, I actually find myself enjoying learning new things.  I have caught myself saying weird things like "Shouldn't this stuff get easier as I go along, since I'm learning more??".  Makes no sense, I know.  But my brain is fried.  What can I say.  I'm learning the things I enjoy are not the subjects I originally thought I would.  I still have a love for sociology.  And truth be told, if ever there were to be money made in that field, I'd jump on it in a heartbeat.  But, alas, there's not.  So why waste my time and money on something that won't pay the bills?  Ergo my dilemma.  Still going with the business degree with a minor in medical management, but kinda leaning towards a masters in sociology.  That way all parts of my educational heart can be happy.  We shall see how it all turns out in the end.
     One week from tomorrow is one of the hugest days of all for us.  We close on our house!!!  I don't know who's more excited about what...us about more room or the kids about getting the puppies that are coming when we move.  There are so many awesome things happening for us that nobody can't say that God isn't involved in it!  He's sure smiling on us!  Other than not having everything packed up yet (ahem...) we are all rarin' to head over to the new house!!  We noticed that we have a fairly older man as a neighbor.  Let's hope he's a nice older man like the one that both Sean and I had as neighbors growing up.  There are so many kids and places to run and play.  Nothing like living in a col-d-sac!
     I've continued my healthy living changes...no more Cokes except for special occasions.  No candy except for when I usually have a Coke.  Nothing like having a Reece's cup with a Coke.  Nothing but high protein, complex carbs, fruits and veggies to eat.  Coffee, unsweet tea (or with Stevia...yummy stuff!) or water.  Big changes for me!!  I've also become quite addicted to Zumba.  I absolutely love shakin' it at 6 in the morning to get my day started off right.  And in the mornings there's not a class offered, there's always one later in the day.  I find I'm always checking the Colvin/Wellness Center schedules to see when the next class is.  I would say I MIGHT be addicted.  Just maybe.  Really in the scheme of things is that so bad?  There are so many other things a girl could be addicted to and I'm thinking working out can't be all that bad. :)
     Why am I doing all the working out, you ask?  Well the wedding is coming up quick!!  I wanna be one smokin' hot mama in that dress!!  Plus we have all the other pre-wedding stuff, too.  Pictures need to look good, too.  It is so exciting to be planning for our future.  All of our decisions are fun to make...it breaks my heart to hear about couples that fight and argue about their wedding and all the details.  This should be a happy day!  We are thrilled to celebrate it!!  Now the counting down begins!  Only 5 months and about 2 1/2 weeks left to go!  Plus we've FINALLY decided on our honeymoon details.  At first we debated on just doing a family vacation, but with some of our summer plans including a big one already, we decided that we needed to do a get away just for ourselves.  So....we chose....Savannah, Georgia.  We wanted a place in the south that neither of us had ever been to before.  We both love history and museums, so that will be perfect for a week away from reality to spend together, just the two of us.
     Hmmm....I think that just about covers it, for now.  That's the high points of our lives and what we have going on right now.  So many new and exciting things are are getting to experience together and as a family.  It is incredible to be able to move along on the journey together with my best friend, who makes each good day the best day of my life and the down times so much more tolerable...dare I say even fun.  Just yesterday at work one of my co-workers commented on just how how happy I look and could tell by how I carried myself that my life is where it should be and that I am full of love and loved fully.  That made my day in more ways than I could ever begin to describe.  Because it is the truth.  Never before Mr. Man walked into my life have I EVER heard that.  Not one time.  I am finally at a place where I not only can love someone freely and without any kind of walls around my heart, but I can also love myself for all that I am and all that I have to offer.  I would say that is a huge change that has been ever evolving!         

Hope Your Valentine's Day is Filled with True Love!

      I read this earlier today...and seeing that it's Valentine's day, it really makes a lot of sense.  So I thought I would share..."I love you BECAUSE.." or "I love you IF.." are both conditional love. "I love you despite.." is unconditional~how God loves you.   
     I've been learning over the last year and a half that how God loves you is how a spouse (or future spouse, depending on where you are in life) should strive to love you.  There's a reason it talks about it through the New Testament.  I have to admit...in years past, I equated the love of Christ as "conditional"...based upon what I was living and the situation during that time.  It was very conditional and performance driven.  But, through God's incredible grace and mercy, I have been blessed to be able to see and experience it all on a much more personal and deeper level.  I see now that real, true love is unconditional.  I know this, because I can get hard to love at times and yet...I'm still loved!
     I see God's true love through the service I get at home.  It's the small, everyday courtesies.  There is not a day that goes by that Sean doesn't do something for me...unasked.  Mind you, if I do need something, he is right there in a heartbeat, completely dependable, and there for me.  Just like my God.  But it's the random, thoughtful things that blow my mind.  When I'm up super early to go work out...my truck is started to warm up.  If there is something we need from the grocery store...it's there in the fridge.  When laundry needs done or dishes washed, they are done without any kind of fit thrown or expectation of anything in return.  I have never met anyone so willing to serve someone else in my life.  Not to mention considerate with gifts.  The flowers all the time...random Cokes...hot baths ready for me and foot rubs after long days.  All without me saying I need them.  He is such a blessing.  And how Christlike he is with showering me with gifts, based on my needs...even before I know I need them.
     When I prayed for someone who was like Christ in so many ways...I never imagined I would get someone like Sean.  And I never fully understood the depth of what that meant.  Seeing that in action has really opened my eyes to the full meaning, and how Christ really does love the Church.  And how Sean...and God...love me unconditionally.  

     So on this Valentine's Day, I want to make sure that I show Sean how appreciative of him that I really am.  Actually I try to show him everyday.  And it's funny how our lives really reflect our walks with Christ.  And how our goals are to show each other just how much we love and appreciate each other, and love each other unconditionally.  I am so in love with him...and our God!  And the blessings He is continually giving us are really blowing our minds!

Just an update...

     Since my Valentine's Day surprise has continued every single night this month...I thought I would give a wee bit o' an update on its progress.  Background: walked in from work on the 31st of January and found balloons lining the stairway...along with lots of Valentine decorations.  Each balloon had a card attached with a day written on the envelope.  The days were numbered 1-14.  I know...lots of beautiful balloons!!  Each night has been a sweet, love related (not always chick flick) movie.  We've got to spend 6 nights (so far) snuggled up on the couch together, enjoying each others company...as well as the kids at a couple of the them.  I've looked forward to them every day...some days it's the only thing I've got to keep me going!!!  So far, here's the list...

The Illusionist ***** (5 stars)  Great one!


Singing in the Rain ***** of course...it's a classic.  Never mind it poured while we watched it.  Added to the ambiance!  Only Sean could do that.

Say Anything ** kinda weird 80's movie...wouldn't really recommend.

My Fair Lady ***** Another Classic.  I'd never seen it.  Everyone should.  Especially since he said I looked like Audry Hepburn.  Massive brownie points.  And lots of extra kisses.
PS I love you **** Total chick flick.  But more brownie points for him for getting it.  He's gooood.

Sleeping Beauty...gotta try this one again.  Hastings gave us a crappy movie and we couldn't watch it.  So this one is a do over.

Tonight's selection...The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.  It's a pretty old movie so it should be interesting!
Each movie is preceded with the sweetest note in the card I have ever read.  And clever, too.  Because inside this sweet note are clues about the movie.  And dang it if he isn't good.  I'm like 3 for 6 on guessing the movie is all.  So here are some pics of the notes.  The messages are gonna be private, just cause they're for me.  Not in a bad, scandalous way, but because they are in a personal, in between us kind of way.  Enjoy!



How sweet are these?!?  Trust me...the notes inside are even sweeter!!





I am so blessed...I look forward to coming home and seeing what he has up his sleeve every evening!



Just a 'Lil Thought Goes a Long Ways

     You know, I just have to say that it feels so good to be loved the way I am.  From the kids, my parents, siblings, and extended family to my absolutely best friend and love of my life...I am blessed far beyond what words could ever begin to describe.  My heart swells up when I think of all of the blessings I've been given and the fact that I am surrounded by people who love me for who I am.  Every day is a new adventure in our lives, and I'm never afraid of what may come anymore.  It's such an incredible feeling knowing that finally I have somebody who has my back no matter what.  I can be myself, he can be himself, and together we can all be a family full of love and laughter.  I watch as they wrestle, or we snuggle, or we all run around together and I thank God for the gifts that He's given to me.  Gifts I never ever thought I would be able to experience.  But, by God's ever present grace, I am blessed enough to get to.
     This Valentines Day (well, all through February so far) Sean has done his 14 nights of movies for me.  Each day, there is a sweet card he writes a clue in, and I have to guess the romantic movie we are going to watch.  In each note, he tells me some pretty incredibly sweet things.  Every day I'm blown away by his thoughtfulness and willingness to do this for me.  He could be like a lot of people and not think twice about it...or on Valentine's Day go "Oh crap...better order flowers!".  Or run to the jewelry store and pick up a meaningless pair of earrings.  I wouldn't complain, if it was some random day of the year, but that's not how I would want to celebrate Valentine's Day.  It should be Valentines Day every day...not just one day a year.  Thankfully, he knows me so well.  He has bought me fresh flowers every single week since we met...I've not gone without fresh flowers for well over a year now.  And according to him, I never will.  And I believe him.  Trust me, I'm not saying he shows me love by buying me gifts.  That's not the point at all.  The point is, is that he takes the time to show me he loves me by doing things for me that requires him to think.  Time that I know he could be doing a million other things.  He does things that take time and effort...not something that just requires him to pick up the phone and tell the flower people how much he wants to spend and give them his credit card number.  Every single day, he shows me his love for me, and for our family.  It's nothing for him to do the laundry, fix supper and do the dishes so I can do homework.  He will fix me a lunch to take to work if I'm working through my lunch hour.  He will stop by and bring me a coke and something to eat at work for a surprise.  Anything I need, he is there.  That is love to me.
     So I could really go on and on.  As I'm surrounded by all the crazy "it looks like Valentine's Day puked in Walmart" gimmicky gifts, I just want to say to take the time to do something meaningful.  Put some creativity in it...some thought into something for you significant other.  It doesn't matter where you are right now in your relationship...I promise it will make it so much better!   

What goes around...

     The title pretty much sums it all up.  It's a general life principle to live by; whatever you do to others probably will (and probably should) come back to you.  Good and bad...some call it Karma...I call it life.  But thankfully in this case, it's all good.  So Valentine's Day is coming up.  Never one to really like this day much in the past, I really didn't have anything in the way of expectations for this year, either.  Gotta love those that ruin holidays for all the others, huh?  Last year was better, but Sean and I hadn't been dating all that long and I was still a bit....guarded.  So anyways...I had known the last couple of days that Mr. Cupid had something up his sleeve for the VDay holiday, I just didn't know exactly what.  But knowing him like I do, I knew it would be good.  And romantic.  Cause that's just how he rolls.  When I walked in from work last night, I was blown away with all he had done for me.  And speechless.  And That. Never. Happens.  Sometimes I think he does stuff like that just to shut me up!  So this is what I walked in to see (sorry it's a bad pic...I will take a better one and upload it later today).

     Each balloon has a note on it with a number...one for the first 13 days of February, ending with something special on the 14th.  Sound familiar?  Like the 25 days of Christmas I did for him in December?  Yep!  Same concept!  Except...each night we are gonna watch a movie together...most of them some kind of obscure movie that has to deal with romance of some sort (it IS February) that he has thought long and hard about to choose.  And each day there will be a clue as to which movie it is.  Brilliant, if you ask me!
 
     Not only am I motivated to get my homework done early, so we will be able to watch the movie together, we get a guaranteed snuggle time on the couch.  Something we all need to make more time for in our busy lives!  And as for the whole what goes around comes around business...I am completely blessed because we have really figured out what works, at least for us, is taking time out of our day to show each other that we are thinking about the other.  Be it a quick, out of the blue text or our ritual board writing we are on a mission to show each other we care.  And that speaks volumes in our relationship.  I'm really starting to love Valentine's Day, now!

Just too good...

*SAPPY WARNING*

      So here is how my morning went down today...incredible to say the least.  On our love note board, there was a super duper sweet note from my super sweet love with the lyrics of this song...

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

      Okay.  So that made my heart get all pitter pattery and stuff.  Made my day!!  I left for my workout all happy and smiley.  Bet people were wondering what the heck was up when I walked in at 5:45 all happy and stuff...but that's not all.  Of course not...cause we're talking about my man here...and he doesn't just stop at one thing.  Nope...he is FULL of surprises!

     After reading that sweet note and walking on cloud 9 out to the truck to leave for the gym, I sleepily put the key into the ignition to start up the truck.  As everything turned on, what blared (and by blared I mean played really loud....I do love my music up loud) out of the stereo?  Why, nothing but this, of course.  That sweet fella had gone and made a CD with that very song on it and snuck it into my CD player when I wasn't looking.  Imagine my surprise when 'ol Frankie and the 4 Seasons started playing our song.  I was blown away.  But not really all that surprised that lover boy would be so creative and sweet.  He's just that way...always thinking of me like that. 

Now I have that song in my head and I don't want it to get out! 

I'm gonna putta ring around it

     The other day, Sean and I were driving down the road and randomly, outta the blue, he said to me "I can't wait till I have a ring on my finger".  I'm not going to lie...it kinda took my by surprise because honestly, how many fellas are all that excited to be all tied down with a ring?  I asked where in the world that came from and he said he had been looking at his hand and wondering what it would look like with a ring on it...and he liked what he imagined.  My heart swelled up, needless to say.  So, being the girl that I am, I jumped all over that one.  I offered to roll on down to the speedy hitch to move things right along.  And he said he would love too...but alas.  We would disappoint more than a few folks.  So we are standing firm on the date, although don't think we haven't talked about sneaking off more than a few times.  But Jordy wouldn't get to be the flower(girl) and Jax wouldn't get to dress like a bear (according to his sister) so what's the fun in that?  Besides...I'm having a blast planning all of this!

I'm a bawler...baby!

     This past weekend, we were kid-free.  The two youngest were at their dads house, and the oldest went to visit his mom.  Once we got back from Tulsa after making one of the kid exchanges, we were trying to decide what to do for the evening.  Being that we had no kids, and no plans, we were ready to roll for the night.  So what did we do??  We had already had supper earlier, so that ruled that out.  And it was beyond freezing cold and windy, so anything outside was out, too.  Needless to say, it was Friday after an especially long week for the both of us, so neither of us was really looking forward to staying up and out too late.  After ruling out a few options, we settled for renting a movie.  Exciting, I know.
     Even better was the way we chose the movie.  It was so blasted windy and cold, and neither of us wanted to stand outside at the movie rental thingy to scroll through the endless amount of stupid movies, so we literally picked the first one up...Courageous.  We both wanted to see it anyways, so that worked out well.  I'm usually not one for the kitschy sort of movies, but this particular one kinda seemed good, so we figured what the heck.
      We got all comfy...snuggled on the couch...and really figured we would both be snoozing before the movie got good.  We were that tired.  But we attempted it...and got the movie rolling.  And it actually got pretty good, pretty quick.  So good, in fact, that I was bawling.  Not just a welling up, kinda wiping my eye with a corner of a tissue kind of bawling.  I'm talking laying on Sean's arm...with a puddle of tears and snot on him, poor fella.  Sobbing.  And I HATE to cry...avoiding it at all costs.  The movie was that good.  It really showed me, at least, where I needed to improve as a parent (a whole lotta places) and yet see where we, together, are really succeeding as parents as well.  It was a very sobering and humbling experience to say the least.  
     I have really set aside extra time since Friday night to thank the good Lord above that I have found someone that takes parenting seriously, especially since he (A.) doesn't have to love the kids the way he does.  (B). takes the time to show love and support to his own son, regardless of the situation.  (C). is someone that others could really learn a lot from about parenting.  Although he would seriously deny it.  The kids absolutely adore him, and I know that the feeling is mutual.  And not because he doesn't correct them and discipline them, either.  Once, after having gotten on to Jax about something (probably messing with his sister or something), Jax looked up and Sean and said...you are the nicest man I have ever met.  And was serious as he could be.  Not 15 minutes after he had gotten a nice long talking too.  That is great parenting, if you ask me.
     But I digress...back to the movie.  We did stay up and watch the whole thing.  With me blubbering like a fool the whole entire time.  And after it all was over, I have to say that it really opened up my eyes to see my weaknesses as a parent, even though it was really focused on fatherhood.  Nothing wrong with a little self-reflection, right?  After the movie, the first thing Sean said was "We have to buy that move".  So I think it was a real winner around our place.  For more info about the movie, you can click here.  So we will be owning that movie...and every single time I watch it I will cry like a big 'ol baby.   

Confession Time!

     I have a confession to make.  I absolutely love music...any kind really...yet I don't do this gift any kind of justice.  Because, for the life of me, I can't remember a dadgumed thing about any of it.  I can hear a song, listen to the lyrics, hear who sings it, yet 2 minutes later, I couldn't tell ya who sang it.  This doesn't just happen with new music, though.  Even with songs that I've known my whole entire life...I can't tell ya who sang it.  I know all the words...just not who's singing it. 
     Being the smart kind of guy that Sean is...he's been taking advantage of my weakness.  Cause we have a little game we play.  It's not a new game.  In fact it's a classic.  We have our own twist to it though and call it "Drink up Herb/Madge".  It has to do with naming the artist on a randomly chosen song on the radio.  Needless to say I really can't remember winning any games.  Maybe a round or two if I'm lucky...I will admit that I've lost with such classic artists as Madonna, Sting, and even...get this...Randy Travis.  I know.  I suck.  I have my way around it though...I've learned to jump in and answer with the most random artist or band I can think of.  I've said that POD was the artist when in fact Dolly Parton was the one beltin' it out.  Funny thing is, I'm thinking that if I keep throwing out the randoms then after a while I will eventually get one right.  I keep telling Sean that him being with me just gives me some kind of brain fog cause when I'm alone I get every single one of 'em right...
     For someone who pretty much always has music on and can be found listening to some of the most random types of music, I'm pretty sure I'm the only durf who can't remember anything.  Going with the idea that my brain is chalk full of really useful knowledge...

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

     I am in awe of how our holidays have been this year.  Never before have I been able to sit back, relax, and really reflect with a positive attitude the day after Christmas.  In years past, I have been stressed, irritated, and pulled in more directions than I ever cared to go and usually by suppertime of the 26th I was already dreading the next year's holiday season.  Looking back, I have to say that some of my most down, depressed times were during the Christmas season, so that only makes sense that it would bring around so much angst.  Seems that this most wonderful time of the year doesn't always bring about the most wonderful kinds of feelings for everyone.  But, as time goes on and things change...situation changes can bring around new outlooks and attitudes can change, too.  Thank God.  Because I am sitting here, the day after Christmas, with a ton of things to do, but not feeling one ounce of stress.  I enjoyed this Christmas season more than I ever have before in my adult life.  Sharing it with the ones I love, seeing their happiness, made the little bit of frustration I did feel well worth it.

The relaxed, happy family.  Nope.  No stress here!

 
     All through the kids' lives, they have known the truth about Santa.  I never agreed with the philosophy of telling them the truth from the get-go, but I never had a say so in the issue.  Well, the kids were really wanting to believe, so Sean and I really made it a point to make Santa as "real" as possible to them that we could.  We were doing okay; they each had moments of doubt and belief.  After the letter writing, stories, and movies we could cram down their throats, the culminating moment was when "Santa" himself called them on the phone Christmas Eve.  "Santa", or better known as Mikey the future brother in law, sounds just like the jolly 'ol man himself.  He seemed to know everything about the kids, and their faces just lit up every time he said something about them.  Jax, being himself, decided he would try and "trick" this Santa, and asked him the hardest question he could think of.  Who was the mayor of the town where he lived when he first started delivering presents?  I cringed thinking the gig was up.  But, without missing a step, Santa knew the answer.  Bergermeister Meisterberger.  All those years of cartoons really do pay off!!  After a very personalized note from him to each kid based on that phone call and they are believers.  Like Jax said..."You really do exist!"  One more year, at least, Santa is as real as he can be.

Jaxton...trying to trick Santa Clause.

Jordy's face lit up like a Christmas light when Santa called her.

      Before Sean came into our lives, the kids never experienced shopping for gifts for me.  Whether it was for birthdays, Christmas, or Mother's Day, they never had the chance to go and pick out whatever they thought I would want.  They absolutely love being able to do that.  And I appreciate Sean for taking them shopping (this year was on Christmas Eve...crazy guy).  Jaxton picked me out a beautiful necklace and earring set that is perfect.  He knows I like things that sparkle, and its a chain with a sparkly cross in my favorite color combo of purple and blue and black.  He really knows my taste...and put a lot of time into picking out the perfect one.  Jordy chose to start a charm bracelet for me.  The first one she got for me was the bracelet chain that had a clear heart that you can put small trinkets inside of.  She put a "J", a small girl that has her birthstone on her shirt, and a small tag that says "I love Jesus".  She chose each one, and I look forward to the many years of adding to it with the unique, special charms that signify the different events of our lives.  I loved taking the kids shopping to pick out Sean's gifts, as well.  Jax thought he needed a new basketball (what guy doesn't ?) and Jordy was pretty confused as to why he would need a "mouse" until we went to the electronics section and picked one out...since he asked for one.  The looks on their faces when we opened up our gifts that they chose were priceless.
     I am so blessed to have the family that I do.  Every single day, I thank God for them, and for bring our lives together.  We have all been excepted into each other's families, and that is never more evident than at the holidays.  Tyler is included in the gift giving, even though he has yet to meet my mom.  The kids are just as loved and included in the Eisensmith side, as well.  They talk all about their cousins...that list has grown immensely...seemingly overnight!  There is so much love and acceptance all around.  Family has a new meaning to us now.

I would say this is a successful holiday season.  Baby girl has the right idea!  If you can find her, that is.

 

2011...Good, Bad, and Best

     So 2011 has been a fantastic year.  Full of some of the highest points I have ever experienced in my personal life.  My relationships with my love, kids and family have been strengthened to depths never before seen or even imagined possible.  I have become more dependent on those around me (a first for me) as well as opened my heart and really worked to tear down walls that took many years to build.  At the beginning of 2011, I took a good, long look at myself and saw several areas that needed a massive overhaul.  I knew that however painful, it would be for the good of those around me, especially myself, in the long run.   Any growth out of a comfort zone can be a cause of discomfort, and this year was no different, albeit not the extremes of the previous years.  I'm sure the comforting love and safety I have found helped immensely with that!
     The previous few years were pretty difficult, so 2011 was a much appreciated break through of life in general.  I really got my head straight, and got down to business.  I made the plan to focus on myself, and to take the opportunity to better myself.  It has taken me years to build the confidence I needed to do this; long story short, I've not been encouraged to better myself in previous years.  Now with the encouragement and support I need, I have stepped out of my comfort zones.  So I took the leap and started school.  Whoa.  Culture shock to say the least!  It's been a while since I've been in the groove of studying and being dedicated like I need to be. Working a near full time school schedule into working full time, along with kids, a fairly new relationship (at that time), and just life in general, there were times I wondered it I took on too much to handle.  But, when I got the statement for my loans, I figured if I'm already in this deep, might as well keep sinkin' in the dough for the education.  And still I roll on...
         Even spiritually, I am in a better place.  Funny how when you're at the lowest point you've ever experienced, the only hope you have is to grasp on to the only thing you have left.  The only thing you know that won't fail.  This year I've learned the true, ultimate meaning of grace and how it has been in effect in my life...even when I didn't actually see it in action.  Or wasn't really paying attention.
         This has also been a year of a massive roller coaster.  While I was experiencing some of the highest points of my life, I was also feeling some of the biggest fears and worries I have had to endure.  While my personal life was coming together, my extended family was facing pretty tough trials with the illness of our mom.  But like families do, we pulled together, rallied around her, and are seeing her through this.  Together.  You hear about families not being able to weather a storm; about how tragedies can put a wedge between families.  But we seem to be closer for it.  I even feel closer to my dad, who has been a rock for me, through all of this.  Even though he is no longer married to my mom, he saw a need in his kids, and stepped in to be the supportive dad we needed.  What really surprised me during this time was how I was able to experience these highest of highs and lowest of lows...all at the same time.  Unlike the proverbial roller coaster everyone talks about.  It was simultaneous.  And somehow, miraculously, I still managed to pull it all together~the kids, school, work, family, mom.  It was tough.  I cried several times.  Didn't know how in the world I was going to manage.  If it wasn't for the incredible support and strength of Sean and his ability to jump in and be everything I couldn't, I don't think it would have been possible.  Doing homework at chemo...staying up well past midnight for homework...yet I knew there would be supper to eat and clean clothes to wear.  He has done far more than his share.  He taught me throughout this year what sacrifice really means.
     Looking back I have overcome so much...with the help, support and love of those around me.  Looking ahead, I have so many things to anticipate.  There are so many exciting changes on the horizon.  Life changing events that are going to better us all for the future...I am so blessed and as the years go by I am able to better and more fully appreciate all of those blessings...both large and small.
        

My Christmas Sweet...

     As Christmas is approaching at breakneck speed, I'm winding down the ever popular 25 Days of Christmas.  When I started it, I really wasn't sure how it would go over...being that Sean is a guy and all.  But.  I have to say, that all of this spoiling him and giving him this little extra attention sure has made him happy!  And all it took was just a little bit of my time and some extra planning ahead on my part.  That's it.  And lemme tell ya.  It has been well worth it.  Because it's that proverbial cycle...I invest that time and attention into him...and he does the same into me.
As I've posted before, some days I really went all out, and other days I wrote a note that was really personal and from my heart.  This morning, he woke up to find a jar of Hershey Kisses with a note about how a jar could never hold all of the kisses I will give him in a lifetime.  But at least this was a start.  Simple, but sweet.  Literally.

     Tomorrow's surprise involves lots of candy bars and sweet notes that go along with the candy of choice...hidden all around so that he will find them all through the day and evening.  One side benefit...there is no way on earth he can eat all of this candy by himself.  He's just gotta share!! :)

     So I just found a sweet note in my purse a few seconds ago.  Said something to the effect of I was being thought of at that very moment and how much I was loved.  I am absolutely blessed beyond what words can say.  We don't do these sweet things for each other in order to get anything in return.  In fact, I would still do them even if I never got another thank you from him again.  It's because I love him and it's just one of the ways I can show him...in fact, long after December is over, I plan to keep doing these little surprises for him.  Maybe not every single day, but on a regular basis, at least.
     As Christmas is coming closer, and we celebrate our first holiday as an engaged couple, I've been taking the time to reflect over the last year(s).  I'm sure that our age, experiences, and place in life has a lot to do with how we treat each other, but we have made it a point to not take each other and what we have for granted.  What an incredible feeling to know that I will never be taken advantage of, pushed to the side, or used for his benefit.  That is unconditional love, and to be able to experience it during this Christmas season with the one I love, along with our family, brings a sense of completeness I have never known before.  As I finish up this little gift for Sean that I threw together at the beginning of the month, I have to admit I never thought it would have the effect that it did on me.  Even if all he got out of it was little gifts, treats, and some special nights, I will always continue to make the effort to make him feel special, loved, and appreciated. 

Workin' for supper

     I have to admit...I'm struttin' my stuff around here tonight.  I win the award for most creative fiance/girl in the county.  For todays 25 Days of Christmas idea, I sent Sean on a scavenger hunt.  For supper.  Not a big deal, you say, but he is the one that usually does supper, since I have homework most nights and all.  This morning, his note informed him that he will be working to find his supper tonight.  And the fun began...
     The idea of the scavenger hunt was that he had to bring some of the different things for supper...problem is, he had to search around to find them.  I made up clues that would lead him to different things we would need for supper (plates, silverware, beer...you get the idea).  It all ended up with a picnic supper, complete with fried chicken (KFC style), blanket, and candlelight.  In the living room floor!  I started out easy enough.  We have our little message board that we write notes to each other on every day, and since our front door is metal, and the board has magnets, I wrote him his first clue and left it on the outside of the door.  That way he wouldn't miss it.  I even left on it the explicit instruction of do no go searching for any other clues until I said so...he swears he didn't.  Each clue led him to find an item for supper.  The last clue was attached to the blanket that was under the Christmas tree, telling him that his supper was actually a picnic.  The blanket is pretty significant...it's the one that we had our first date on (lakeside picnic complete with KFC) and the one he had spread out at the same lake when he proposed.  That blanket is a keeper!  After work I ran through the drive-thru and picked up supper.  After I sent him away upstairs for a bit, I put the finishing touches on the hunt, and slipped the food inside the blanket that was under the tree.  And away he went on the hunt!
     He did the search...all through the kitchen he went, looking for the different items we needed for supper.  Finally, he got to the blanket under the Christmas tree ("I was wondering why the blanket was under the tree" he says) and unwrapped the food.  Total surprise!  Can't beat a good fried chicken supper.  We had an amazing, relaxing time, plus it was a fun sitting back and watching put it all together...definately gonna use this idea again somehow. 

Overheard about the fireflies...

     I'm home sick today with a fever, and general yuckiness...needless to say I'm already bored and it's only 10:30.  I've already napped and there is absolutely nothing on daytime TV...well nothing but trashy stuff.  Anyways.  At the moment, I have CMT on and have been dozing off and on (forgive me if this makes no sense at all....blame it on the illness) and the song "All Your Life" by The Band Perry just came on a bit ago.  I love that song...if you've never heard it before, then click HERE to get it.  Love it.  Anyways, there's a line that says "Would you catch a couple thousand fireflies...put 'em in a lamp to light my world?" 
     That line opened my eyes to a lesson I needed reminded of...in a good way.  I had jumped into the shower one day this past weekend, and when I was done, happened to peek over the landing to Sean and the kiddos who were downstairs.  That song was on, and I overheard Sean tell Jax "One day, I'm going to catch a couple thousand fireflies for your mom."  Wow.  Talk about one of those moments that take your breath away.  And I really couldn't say anything cause I was in my towel and all...plus I didn't want them to think I was checking in on them!  I was in a perfect place at a perfect time.  It just reminded me, though, of how much we are being watched, whether we know it or not.  Good, bad, and ugly, all of my actions and words can...and will...be seen and heard.  I did tell Sean later that I heard what he said, and by the surprised look and blushing on his face, he certainly didn't intend for me to hear that.  How many things do we do and say that we don't intend for others to see or hear?  I know I am very guilty of this one; I have kids looking up to me, and I really need to be accountable for all they see me do and hear me say.  I'm notorious for the smarty pants comments under my breath, and Jaxton has definitely picked up on that skill from me.  While it's not a necessarily bad quality to have, it doesn't need to be used for negative.  Cause let's be honest...our funny, on the spot remarks is what makes us lovable!! 
     I know that Sean will probably kill me (not literally, only with love!) for putting what he said in my blog, but since I got to use it for a good lesson, I'm sure he will understand...funny how lessons are in little things all over the place.  Such is life! 
       

Pigs in a blanket, silly string, and a 38 year old man

How would you celebrate the man in your life turning 38?  Getting a sitter for a night on the town, complete with a fancy dancy supper with menu items neither one of you can pronounce?

 

 

Would it include gifts that cost more than a months salary, from all of the finest stores?  Piles of the most artistically wrapped presents he has ever seen before? 

Maybe even give him something to celebrate his maturity (ahem..)?

 

 

Around our house, if you're expecting something like that, we would just grab you by your sweet lil' cheeks and yell WAKE UP!!  Here is more or less what happens when the man around our house turns 38..

We have pigs in a blanket and mac-n-cheese for supper (his choice).

His gift from us was a new bible that he desperately needed.

(We had his name put on it...so he wouldn't forget it in his older age.)

The gift to keep him young was the kids idea...ahem...watch the video below...

This was ALL the kids idea...poor Sean was given the surprise attack of a lifetime!  I only caught a few seconds of it on video...

It may not be how anyone else would rate a fantastic birthday, but to us, there is no better way than spending them with those you love...minus one kiddo.  I know he would have loved to have joined in on the chaos too!

Happy 38th baby...hope we are never too old to have pigs in a blanket and silly string for our birthdays.  Better watch out...even the nursing home won't be off limits!  We love you!! 



Adrenaline Junkies!!



Boo!  Scared ya, huh?

      We love being scared.  Sean and I get our kicks with scary movies and TV shows...you  could say that we are adrenaline junkies, and the best way to get our fix is by getting the pee scared outta us.  Several times a day, at a minimum, we go out of our way to try to scare each other; sneak attacks or just straight up shrecks meant to make each other scream like a girl is a daily goal.  That being said, it was only natural to spend a bit of our Saturday at the movies watching Paranormal Activity numero 3.  The second we first saw the preview, we knew we had to see it, and the only place to watch these kinds of movies is in a theater.  It was packed, even at the matinee show.  We made our way all the way down to the third row, and got ourselves settled in for a fright.
     One reason I absolutely love being a girl that's loved by a big, strong, protective guy is that during a scary movie, those big, strong, muscledy arms sure come in handy!  I never let go of him, and during the make you jump scenes, I caught myself burying my face in his arm, too.  Poor fella is gonna have some bruises left on him where I was squeezing!  There were plenty of jump out at you scenes in the movie to feed our adrenaline habit.
     The fun didn't stop once the movie was over, either.  We walked out of the theater, talking about how blown away at the ending we were (no spoiler here!) and were hit with a crazy, stormy sky.  The lightning and thunder added to the extra alert ambiance of the evening.  Even while fixing supper together, we managed to play around, trying to scare each other.  Stomping up and down the stairs, banging on the doors...the works.  We have such a great time, and spent most of the night, like most nights, laughing our heads off.

     All I know, is that the fun won't end.  I have never, ever laughed more than I have in my life...whether it's me being locked in the HUGE pitch black closet after the door "slammed" behind me and the light went out with a horrible pterodactyl sounding screech (Sean followed me upstairs and waited till I went in the huge walk in closet...turned out the light that is on the outside of the closet and slammed the door while screaming.  Funny guy.)...or it's me setting Jaxton's motion activated skull to go off and say "Hey!  Where do you think you're goin?" when Sean walked by...when I wasn't home.  And imagining the scream...and him admitting that it didn't just get him once...but twice.  That will make your heart stop!  We have fun.  We make life fun.  We laugh so much that our stomachs hurt.  The kids have just as an important roll in the trickery; we all plan different "surprises" for each other.  Nobody can say we don't have fun.  Not one person can say we don't laugh or smile or make life a little easier.  We make memories...even if our lives are shortened by a few months every time we get the pee scared out of us.                   

Hey...

         And now back to the task at hand of reflecting...you know when you make a complete ass of yourself and yet, in hindsight, it ends up being a huge turning point in your life?  Background info: I have a real talent for making an ass of myself.  If I could find a way to make some dough from it, I could probably retire by 35 just from my skill of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  Or the least clever thing when it matters the most.  Like this particular time...
         Scenario: First time Sean and I met.  Here's how the ass moment went down.  The kids and I were at a fish fry (cause that's how we do it around here.  Some people have wine tastings.  We have fish fry's.)  put on by his family that we had been invited too.  The kids and I had been at a pumpkin patch ALL. DAY. LONG. (important background info) and it was a pretty cool, fall day.  After we had gotten there and the kids ran off to play and all settled in and such, I had to pee.  Cause, unlike a wine tasting party, beer makes me pee.  A lot.  So around the corner of the house I walk to go inside.  And lo and behold, stands this really tall and freakin cute and tall fella standing right there.  I say tall cause it seemed like I had to keep looking up to see his face.  And I'm no giant...so everyone is taller than me.  Everyone.  So what does my quick wit and clever sense of flirtation come up with to say?  Hey.  Yeah that's it.  All I said was hey.  And not just a regular hey either.  Remember that the kids and I had been out at a pumpkin patch all day AND it was getting pretty cool by then outside?  So it was a low pitch, manly, gravely sounding hey.  So opposite of anything I would want to sound like at that given moment.  I could see the confusion (?) on his face, as he responded with, what else could he say, hey.  That was it.  Our first words.  And I walked inside.  Cause I had to pee.  Bad.
         Fast forward to present...that moment has brought us quite a few laughs since then.  Usually all that laughter just makes me roll my eyes and thank my heavens that at least I was cute enough for him to get past my manly, gravely, roll outta bed voice.  Obviously, things went on to work out, despite my ass moment.  And trust me, there have been PLENTY more since then.  I'm so thankful he is so forgiving and has such a great sense of humor!

Pumpkins, Prayers, and Package Deals

          So there is a big day coming up in a few weeks and since I'm a sappy, happy kind of girl, it's making me think back over the past year and how freaking blessed I am.  It's been a year since I've met Sean, and boy has our world changed...for the better, of course!  I'll do you a favor and spare you the details this time of how we met, but don't think I won't post that one at some point!  One thing that I have been blown away about though is how the kids and Sean have built their relationships over this past year.  You'd think they've always known each other; the respect they have for each other really says a lot about the type of man he is.  For a single mom who hadn't really brought anyone around the kids before, I was really pretty freaked out about how this was all gonna go down.  Considering Jordy had been my guard dog and would get mad when the little checker-outer guy at Walmart would chit chat with me~"Don't talk to my mom!" was commonly heard~I didn't have too high of hopes when it came to them meeting Sean.  I should have know better; he's a natural when it comes to kids. 

      We decided to do the big introductions at a pumpkin carving party where there were other kids around for Jax and Jordy to meet and play with, and we thought that way it would at least be be on neutral territory.  They did great, running around and being themselves.  When it came time to clean out and carve the pumpkins, Sean and the kids worked great together, making some pretty awesome pumpkins.  Come to think of it...nobody really wanted mama's help!  The highlight of the night though was at the end when it was time to go.  We were heading out to the truck, saying our goodbye's and thank you's.  I noticed the kids were pretty hesitant to go; really holding back.  Jaxton, my little man around the house who is just as protective as his sister, asked me as serious as he could "Mom, can Sean spend the night?"  After I quit choking on my spit (I seem to do that a lot when caught off guard) and gathering my composure, I explained how that wasn't a good idea and wasn't going to happen.  Then, undeterred, Jax asked if Sean could come over in the morning for breakfast.  Again, telling him that we will see him again, but that breakfast was a little bit too early, both of their faces fell.  They were genuinely sad that they had to wait more than a few hours before they could see him again.  Watching them that night, I could see a lot in the ways that they interacted together, ways that have grown and developed into a relationship that goes past the "my mom's boyfriend" stuff.  There's a real mutual respect, understanding, and love there that, even though they may not have chosen each other, they have accepted each other for who they are.  They've all made the best of being part of a package deal.  I have to say, though, that I seriously got the easiest part of the deal...16 year old boys are SO MUCH EASIER!  I know that it's not an easy road to have a combined family; there are many statistics on the subject that can make your head spin.  But I also know that many, many (probably billions, if that's possible) hours of prayers have been answered.  Many nights I've prayed for this.  Watching our new relationships develop with each other is so exciting!  The kids are thrilled to have a new big "brother" to look up to...even Jordy, who acts all exasperated that now she has two big brothers around but deep down she really does love it and is a goofball anytime Tyler is around.  I am so blessed that God has given me this opportunity and thinks that I am worthy enough for this family...