Up 'Till Now...

     Ok.  So I realize I've been a bit behind on this blogging deal of late, so time to play catch up with our wild and crazy busy lives.  I swore I wouldn't be one of "those" bloggers, but guess I was wrong.  Not the first time, and sure won't ever be the last!!
     School is...well...school.  I dread it most nights but at the same time, I actually find myself enjoying learning new things.  I have caught myself saying weird things like "Shouldn't this stuff get easier as I go along, since I'm learning more??".  Makes no sense, I know.  But my brain is fried.  What can I say.  I'm learning the things I enjoy are not the subjects I originally thought I would.  I still have a love for sociology.  And truth be told, if ever there were to be money made in that field, I'd jump on it in a heartbeat.  But, alas, there's not.  So why waste my time and money on something that won't pay the bills?  Ergo my dilemma.  Still going with the business degree with a minor in medical management, but kinda leaning towards a masters in sociology.  That way all parts of my educational heart can be happy.  We shall see how it all turns out in the end.
     One week from tomorrow is one of the hugest days of all for us.  We close on our house!!!  I don't know who's more excited about what...us about more room or the kids about getting the puppies that are coming when we move.  There are so many awesome things happening for us that nobody can't say that God isn't involved in it!  He's sure smiling on us!  Other than not having everything packed up yet (ahem...) we are all rarin' to head over to the new house!!  We noticed that we have a fairly older man as a neighbor.  Let's hope he's a nice older man like the one that both Sean and I had as neighbors growing up.  There are so many kids and places to run and play.  Nothing like living in a col-d-sac!
     I've continued my healthy living changes...no more Cokes except for special occasions.  No candy except for when I usually have a Coke.  Nothing like having a Reece's cup with a Coke.  Nothing but high protein, complex carbs, fruits and veggies to eat.  Coffee, unsweet tea (or with Stevia...yummy stuff!) or water.  Big changes for me!!  I've also become quite addicted to Zumba.  I absolutely love shakin' it at 6 in the morning to get my day started off right.  And in the mornings there's not a class offered, there's always one later in the day.  I find I'm always checking the Colvin/Wellness Center schedules to see when the next class is.  I would say I MIGHT be addicted.  Just maybe.  Really in the scheme of things is that so bad?  There are so many other things a girl could be addicted to and I'm thinking working out can't be all that bad. :)
     Why am I doing all the working out, you ask?  Well the wedding is coming up quick!!  I wanna be one smokin' hot mama in that dress!!  Plus we have all the other pre-wedding stuff, too.  Pictures need to look good, too.  It is so exciting to be planning for our future.  All of our decisions are fun to make...it breaks my heart to hear about couples that fight and argue about their wedding and all the details.  This should be a happy day!  We are thrilled to celebrate it!!  Now the counting down begins!  Only 5 months and about 2 1/2 weeks left to go!  Plus we've FINALLY decided on our honeymoon details.  At first we debated on just doing a family vacation, but with some of our summer plans including a big one already, we decided that we needed to do a get away just for ourselves.  So....we chose....Savannah, Georgia.  We wanted a place in the south that neither of us had ever been to before.  We both love history and museums, so that will be perfect for a week away from reality to spend together, just the two of us.
     Hmmm....I think that just about covers it, for now.  That's the high points of our lives and what we have going on right now.  So many new and exciting things are are getting to experience together and as a family.  It is incredible to be able to move along on the journey together with my best friend, who makes each good day the best day of my life and the down times so much more tolerable...dare I say even fun.  Just yesterday at work one of my co-workers commented on just how how happy I look and could tell by how I carried myself that my life is where it should be and that I am full of love and loved fully.  That made my day in more ways than I could ever begin to describe.  Because it is the truth.  Never before Mr. Man walked into my life have I EVER heard that.  Not one time.  I am finally at a place where I not only can love someone freely and without any kind of walls around my heart, but I can also love myself for all that I am and all that I have to offer.  I would say that is a huge change that has been ever evolving!         

I'm gonna putta ring around it

     The other day, Sean and I were driving down the road and randomly, outta the blue, he said to me "I can't wait till I have a ring on my finger".  I'm not going to lie...it kinda took my by surprise because honestly, how many fellas are all that excited to be all tied down with a ring?  I asked where in the world that came from and he said he had been looking at his hand and wondering what it would look like with a ring on it...and he liked what he imagined.  My heart swelled up, needless to say.  So, being the girl that I am, I jumped all over that one.  I offered to roll on down to the speedy hitch to move things right along.  And he said he would love too...but alas.  We would disappoint more than a few folks.  So we are standing firm on the date, although don't think we haven't talked about sneaking off more than a few times.  But Jordy wouldn't get to be the flower(girl) and Jax wouldn't get to dress like a bear (according to his sister) so what's the fun in that?  Besides...I'm having a blast planning all of this!

Just rollin' with it...

     Something I've really tried to instill in the kids is flexibility.  Being flexible in life...learning how to go with the flow when life throws the changes that inevitable come.  Because they will.  I've never met anyone who has gone through life and it go the way the have it all planned out.  And chances are, there hasn't ever been anyone that hasn't had a curve ball thrown their way now and again.  So far, they've done a great job at adjusting to the changes that they've had to face and the changes they've gone through.  What's funny though, is that those changes never stop.  Even as adults our lives are constantly changing...the curve balls are still thrown our way.
     I am so blessed to have the kids and the family that is capable of handling change the way that they do.  The take everything in stride.  Not to say things don't hurt, or that there aren't setbacks, because they do, and there are.  There's a ton of pain in life, and nobody is exempt.  We've gone through a lot of changes recently; most not a surprise and definitely not bad.  But change is change, and learning to adapt and work with the newness is where the flexibility comes into play.  I am so proud of how we can rally around each other and support each other, because that's what families do.  We work together to make the best of any situation, and really go with the flow.  Going through the adjustment period will take time, but through everything we grow closer and stronger. 
     If everything always stayed the same, we wouldn't learn to rely on God, or each other.  We wouldn't pull together, turn in towards each other, or face adversity or change with the strength that we have been given.  We, as a family, are a team.  We back each other up.  Help each other out.  Not one of us could do it all alone or pull the weight of the other.  All of us have to be flexible or none of this would work out.  In the end, we are learning all about flexibility, grace, and the ultimate meaning of family.  We might not be the "traditional" definition of a family, but then again...when have I ever been "traditional" in anything I do?  

New Beginnings...

     Something about January puts me in the "change" frame of mind.  All the new beginnings and looking ahead brings about a new burst of energy to get stuff done.  With that in mind, I've been on a roll!  Cleaned out the kid's rooms, the kitchen and everything in between.  Much to the family's dismay I must admit...along with the cleaning out of the old stuff, I've done a lot of thinking and planning about the near future and what I want to see happen.  Needless to say, we have a lot of stuff on our plate so change is to be expected!
     First and foremost, I refuse to make a list of mindless resolutions that I know are going to end up on the failure list.  This seems to be a common occurrence year after year, so this year, I'm avoiding the trouble all together.  I am, however, going to make my health and well being, both physical and spiritual, a priority.  Over the past several years, I have definitely put these things on the back burner, and with everything going on in our lives, I really need to be in my best shape to be able to manage effectively.  Short of the usual "eat better...lose weight", I am resolving to drink more (or some!) water everyday, which means giving up the Coke that seems to be my usual companion through the day.  Sadly, water just doesn't taste as good, but with a few heath issues of late, I know I need to.  Not giving up my caffeine entirely, though, because I would be a beast.  And nobody would want that, trust me.  As for the spiritual side, I am resolving to set aside time each day to pray/read the bible.  If I have the time to play on Facebook and Pinterest, than by all means I have the time to spend enriching my life for the better!  I've found some great resources that really seem to be tailored to where I am in my life right now, so that will help me on through this year of busyness!
     Something else I'm doing this year is completing one project per month.  This month, for January, Sean and I decided that by the end of the month we are going to have the housing situation all figured out and the ball rolling on purchasing our house.  We have several different ideas and options we are working on and it's decision time...so setting that deadline to make the time to get this done is our first project.  That will be one less ball in the air we are juggling by month's end, and needless to say, it's a nice relief to see a light at the end of that tunnel!  It may not seem like a huge accomplishment to some, but to us...it is!
     2012 is shaping up to be a huge year for our family full of some exciting changes.  I know God has some awesome adventures for all of us, and by keeping our goals in sight the small challenges will seem much easier to overcome.  And I've learned the secret...by not bogging myself down with unattainable goals I know I can't meet, I won't get discouraged by February 12th, and think I'm a complete failure.  Tah dah!        

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

     I am in awe of how our holidays have been this year.  Never before have I been able to sit back, relax, and really reflect with a positive attitude the day after Christmas.  In years past, I have been stressed, irritated, and pulled in more directions than I ever cared to go and usually by suppertime of the 26th I was already dreading the next year's holiday season.  Looking back, I have to say that some of my most down, depressed times were during the Christmas season, so that only makes sense that it would bring around so much angst.  Seems that this most wonderful time of the year doesn't always bring about the most wonderful kinds of feelings for everyone.  But, as time goes on and things change...situation changes can bring around new outlooks and attitudes can change, too.  Thank God.  Because I am sitting here, the day after Christmas, with a ton of things to do, but not feeling one ounce of stress.  I enjoyed this Christmas season more than I ever have before in my adult life.  Sharing it with the ones I love, seeing their happiness, made the little bit of frustration I did feel well worth it.

The relaxed, happy family.  Nope.  No stress here!

 
     All through the kids' lives, they have known the truth about Santa.  I never agreed with the philosophy of telling them the truth from the get-go, but I never had a say so in the issue.  Well, the kids were really wanting to believe, so Sean and I really made it a point to make Santa as "real" as possible to them that we could.  We were doing okay; they each had moments of doubt and belief.  After the letter writing, stories, and movies we could cram down their throats, the culminating moment was when "Santa" himself called them on the phone Christmas Eve.  "Santa", or better known as Mikey the future brother in law, sounds just like the jolly 'ol man himself.  He seemed to know everything about the kids, and their faces just lit up every time he said something about them.  Jax, being himself, decided he would try and "trick" this Santa, and asked him the hardest question he could think of.  Who was the mayor of the town where he lived when he first started delivering presents?  I cringed thinking the gig was up.  But, without missing a step, Santa knew the answer.  Bergermeister Meisterberger.  All those years of cartoons really do pay off!!  After a very personalized note from him to each kid based on that phone call and they are believers.  Like Jax said..."You really do exist!"  One more year, at least, Santa is as real as he can be.

Jaxton...trying to trick Santa Clause.

Jordy's face lit up like a Christmas light when Santa called her.

      Before Sean came into our lives, the kids never experienced shopping for gifts for me.  Whether it was for birthdays, Christmas, or Mother's Day, they never had the chance to go and pick out whatever they thought I would want.  They absolutely love being able to do that.  And I appreciate Sean for taking them shopping (this year was on Christmas Eve...crazy guy).  Jaxton picked me out a beautiful necklace and earring set that is perfect.  He knows I like things that sparkle, and its a chain with a sparkly cross in my favorite color combo of purple and blue and black.  He really knows my taste...and put a lot of time into picking out the perfect one.  Jordy chose to start a charm bracelet for me.  The first one she got for me was the bracelet chain that had a clear heart that you can put small trinkets inside of.  She put a "J", a small girl that has her birthstone on her shirt, and a small tag that says "I love Jesus".  She chose each one, and I look forward to the many years of adding to it with the unique, special charms that signify the different events of our lives.  I loved taking the kids shopping to pick out Sean's gifts, as well.  Jax thought he needed a new basketball (what guy doesn't ?) and Jordy was pretty confused as to why he would need a "mouse" until we went to the electronics section and picked one out...since he asked for one.  The looks on their faces when we opened up our gifts that they chose were priceless.
     I am so blessed to have the family that I do.  Every single day, I thank God for them, and for bring our lives together.  We have all been excepted into each other's families, and that is never more evident than at the holidays.  Tyler is included in the gift giving, even though he has yet to meet my mom.  The kids are just as loved and included in the Eisensmith side, as well.  They talk all about their cousins...that list has grown immensely...seemingly overnight!  There is so much love and acceptance all around.  Family has a new meaning to us now.

I would say this is a successful holiday season.  Baby girl has the right idea!  If you can find her, that is.

 

2011...Good, Bad, and Best

     So 2011 has been a fantastic year.  Full of some of the highest points I have ever experienced in my personal life.  My relationships with my love, kids and family have been strengthened to depths never before seen or even imagined possible.  I have become more dependent on those around me (a first for me) as well as opened my heart and really worked to tear down walls that took many years to build.  At the beginning of 2011, I took a good, long look at myself and saw several areas that needed a massive overhaul.  I knew that however painful, it would be for the good of those around me, especially myself, in the long run.   Any growth out of a comfort zone can be a cause of discomfort, and this year was no different, albeit not the extremes of the previous years.  I'm sure the comforting love and safety I have found helped immensely with that!
     The previous few years were pretty difficult, so 2011 was a much appreciated break through of life in general.  I really got my head straight, and got down to business.  I made the plan to focus on myself, and to take the opportunity to better myself.  It has taken me years to build the confidence I needed to do this; long story short, I've not been encouraged to better myself in previous years.  Now with the encouragement and support I need, I have stepped out of my comfort zones.  So I took the leap and started school.  Whoa.  Culture shock to say the least!  It's been a while since I've been in the groove of studying and being dedicated like I need to be. Working a near full time school schedule into working full time, along with kids, a fairly new relationship (at that time), and just life in general, there were times I wondered it I took on too much to handle.  But, when I got the statement for my loans, I figured if I'm already in this deep, might as well keep sinkin' in the dough for the education.  And still I roll on...
         Even spiritually, I am in a better place.  Funny how when you're at the lowest point you've ever experienced, the only hope you have is to grasp on to the only thing you have left.  The only thing you know that won't fail.  This year I've learned the true, ultimate meaning of grace and how it has been in effect in my life...even when I didn't actually see it in action.  Or wasn't really paying attention.
         This has also been a year of a massive roller coaster.  While I was experiencing some of the highest points of my life, I was also feeling some of the biggest fears and worries I have had to endure.  While my personal life was coming together, my extended family was facing pretty tough trials with the illness of our mom.  But like families do, we pulled together, rallied around her, and are seeing her through this.  Together.  You hear about families not being able to weather a storm; about how tragedies can put a wedge between families.  But we seem to be closer for it.  I even feel closer to my dad, who has been a rock for me, through all of this.  Even though he is no longer married to my mom, he saw a need in his kids, and stepped in to be the supportive dad we needed.  What really surprised me during this time was how I was able to experience these highest of highs and lowest of lows...all at the same time.  Unlike the proverbial roller coaster everyone talks about.  It was simultaneous.  And somehow, miraculously, I still managed to pull it all together~the kids, school, work, family, mom.  It was tough.  I cried several times.  Didn't know how in the world I was going to manage.  If it wasn't for the incredible support and strength of Sean and his ability to jump in and be everything I couldn't, I don't think it would have been possible.  Doing homework at chemo...staying up well past midnight for homework...yet I knew there would be supper to eat and clean clothes to wear.  He has done far more than his share.  He taught me throughout this year what sacrifice really means.
     Looking back I have overcome so much...with the help, support and love of those around me.  Looking ahead, I have so many things to anticipate.  There are so many exciting changes on the horizon.  Life changing events that are going to better us all for the future...I am so blessed and as the years go by I am able to better and more fully appreciate all of those blessings...both large and small.
        

Oh, brother.

     I don't have a big brother.  If I did, I imagine he would be a lot like Jax is towards Jordy.  He pesters, annoys, and all in all pushes her around.  I tell her that when she grows up, nobody in the world will be able to bully her or take advantage of her because of her mean big brother and that all of this being picked on will make her stronger in the end.  Sometimes I get lucky and it dries her tears.  But sometimes, he gets lucky.  Today was his day.

     Today, the four of us enjoyed a decent winters day by playing at a local park.  Yes, even I joined in for some monkey bar time, too.
 


    
     By all accounts, this was actually a nice, fight free afternoon.  Nobody got hurt, and for the most part, they left each other well enough alone.  But I should have known something was up.   


    
     Oh the innocence.  Don't let his sweet smile fool 'ya.  He's up to something.  I'm his mom and nobody knows him like I do.  Poor Jordy doesn't have a clue...

    
     Told ya.  Yep.  That is spit hanging out of his mouth.  Still, Jordy is clueless...and her smile is even bigger.  Probably because Sean and Jax are cracking up.

Warning: If you are the least bit squeamish and boys being boys is something that might not agree with you, look away as you scroll past this next picture.  Trust me.

    
     At least he had the gumption to turn his head away at the last second.  And for that, I am actually kind of surprised.  And still...poor, poor Jordy is unaware of what is transpiring right above her head.

     And here's the one that I think is so funny.  Look at the pride on that boy's face.  His grin is from ear to ear...he is just beaming.  And Jordy hasn't budged. 

Had she known what was going on above her, I think she would have looked something like this:

    

     I was unaware of all of this actually happening until later when I scrolled through the pictures.  Honestly, had I seen what was going on, there would have been an intervention.  I am the mom, after all.  And no funny pictures.

Overheard about the fireflies...

     I'm home sick today with a fever, and general yuckiness...needless to say I'm already bored and it's only 10:30.  I've already napped and there is absolutely nothing on daytime TV...well nothing but trashy stuff.  Anyways.  At the moment, I have CMT on and have been dozing off and on (forgive me if this makes no sense at all....blame it on the illness) and the song "All Your Life" by The Band Perry just came on a bit ago.  I love that song...if you've never heard it before, then click HERE to get it.  Love it.  Anyways, there's a line that says "Would you catch a couple thousand fireflies...put 'em in a lamp to light my world?" 
     That line opened my eyes to a lesson I needed reminded of...in a good way.  I had jumped into the shower one day this past weekend, and when I was done, happened to peek over the landing to Sean and the kiddos who were downstairs.  That song was on, and I overheard Sean tell Jax "One day, I'm going to catch a couple thousand fireflies for your mom."  Wow.  Talk about one of those moments that take your breath away.  And I really couldn't say anything cause I was in my towel and all...plus I didn't want them to think I was checking in on them!  I was in a perfect place at a perfect time.  It just reminded me, though, of how much we are being watched, whether we know it or not.  Good, bad, and ugly, all of my actions and words can...and will...be seen and heard.  I did tell Sean later that I heard what he said, and by the surprised look and blushing on his face, he certainly didn't intend for me to hear that.  How many things do we do and say that we don't intend for others to see or hear?  I know I am very guilty of this one; I have kids looking up to me, and I really need to be accountable for all they see me do and hear me say.  I'm notorious for the smarty pants comments under my breath, and Jaxton has definitely picked up on that skill from me.  While it's not a necessarily bad quality to have, it doesn't need to be used for negative.  Cause let's be honest...our funny, on the spot remarks is what makes us lovable!! 
     I know that Sean will probably kill me (not literally, only with love!) for putting what he said in my blog, but since I got to use it for a good lesson, I'm sure he will understand...funny how lessons are in little things all over the place.  Such is life! 
       

Bible study and bird lady...just my regurlar Sunday.

     For the new year (yikes!!  That's just right around the corner!) I'm looking into starting a new devotional.  But here's my dilemma.  I don't know what about, or by who, or anything.  I'm perplexed.  I looked into it a little bit today, but nothing really stood out and bit me in the butt.  I need one that's quick cause of everything going on.  Gotta work it in with kids, love, work, school, finding house/moving, wedding, life...so there's really a few minutes here and there that I have left to use.  Notice at this moment it's 11 pm and I just finished up my homework for the night...story. of. my. life.  Needless to say, I would love it to be topical, and good (who doesn't) and fit where I am in my life.  Maybe something about building new families, second marriage...stuff like that.  IDEAS??!!

     On another, funnier note.  We went to look at what we thought could be a great house today.  The possible forever house.  Well.  It was interesting, to say the least.  I thought our house got loud, especially when all the kids are here.  I thought wrong.  Before we even walked all the way up to the front porch, the realtor turned to me and said, "Oh, by the way.  The lady raises birds.  Inside."  And she did.  Loud ones.  Like the kind that were so loud you couldn't hear yourself think.  At lease one of them entertained the kids while we looked around...cause it said hello.  A lot.  This had to be the craziest, loudest, birdiest (it's a new word, now) house we have ever been in.  And the funny thing is, the bird lady wants a LOT for it.  Like a whole lot too much.  But that didn't stop Jax from saying...several times...that we would take it.  And that he loved it.  And that he had the money to buy it.  Sweet boy.  So tomorrow night, when I get off work, we are going to go look at another, quieter house.  This one doesn't have a hot tub (booo!) but it doesn't have a bunch of fine feathered friends, either.  Or a bunch of work that needs to be done.  At all.  And truth is, I'm okay with that.  (See that list of things I got going above.) 

     So between me finding a bible study, the bird lady house, the kids putting together ginger bread houses (oh wait...it was mama who ended up doing a couple of them so far.  Figures) and homework...this mama is pooped.  Oh and day 4 of the 25 days of Christmas countdown was a success, too!  Day 3, maybe not as much.  That was a bit of trash talk, to set the mood for the game last night (seems to have worked...yay POKES!) and this morning's treat for the man o' the house was a special present under the tree that the kids and I put together...full of fun little candy treats.  That we liked.  Cause he really does like to share with us...a lot.

     Well that just about sums up the day for us...exciting, I know.  I'm.  Off.  Ta'.  Bed.

Pigs in a blanket, silly string, and a 38 year old man

How would you celebrate the man in your life turning 38?  Getting a sitter for a night on the town, complete with a fancy dancy supper with menu items neither one of you can pronounce?

 

 

Would it include gifts that cost more than a months salary, from all of the finest stores?  Piles of the most artistically wrapped presents he has ever seen before? 

Maybe even give him something to celebrate his maturity (ahem..)?

 

 

Around our house, if you're expecting something like that, we would just grab you by your sweet lil' cheeks and yell WAKE UP!!  Here is more or less what happens when the man around our house turns 38..

We have pigs in a blanket and mac-n-cheese for supper (his choice).

His gift from us was a new bible that he desperately needed.

(We had his name put on it...so he wouldn't forget it in his older age.)

The gift to keep him young was the kids idea...ahem...watch the video below...

This was ALL the kids idea...poor Sean was given the surprise attack of a lifetime!  I only caught a few seconds of it on video...

It may not be how anyone else would rate a fantastic birthday, but to us, there is no better way than spending them with those you love...minus one kiddo.  I know he would have loved to have joined in on the chaos too!

Happy 38th baby...hope we are never too old to have pigs in a blanket and silly string for our birthdays.  Better watch out...even the nursing home won't be off limits!  We love you!! 



Adrenaline Junkies!!



Boo!  Scared ya, huh?

      We love being scared.  Sean and I get our kicks with scary movies and TV shows...you  could say that we are adrenaline junkies, and the best way to get our fix is by getting the pee scared outta us.  Several times a day, at a minimum, we go out of our way to try to scare each other; sneak attacks or just straight up shrecks meant to make each other scream like a girl is a daily goal.  That being said, it was only natural to spend a bit of our Saturday at the movies watching Paranormal Activity numero 3.  The second we first saw the preview, we knew we had to see it, and the only place to watch these kinds of movies is in a theater.  It was packed, even at the matinee show.  We made our way all the way down to the third row, and got ourselves settled in for a fright.
     One reason I absolutely love being a girl that's loved by a big, strong, protective guy is that during a scary movie, those big, strong, muscledy arms sure come in handy!  I never let go of him, and during the make you jump scenes, I caught myself burying my face in his arm, too.  Poor fella is gonna have some bruises left on him where I was squeezing!  There were plenty of jump out at you scenes in the movie to feed our adrenaline habit.
     The fun didn't stop once the movie was over, either.  We walked out of the theater, talking about how blown away at the ending we were (no spoiler here!) and were hit with a crazy, stormy sky.  The lightning and thunder added to the extra alert ambiance of the evening.  Even while fixing supper together, we managed to play around, trying to scare each other.  Stomping up and down the stairs, banging on the doors...the works.  We have such a great time, and spent most of the night, like most nights, laughing our heads off.

     All I know, is that the fun won't end.  I have never, ever laughed more than I have in my life...whether it's me being locked in the HUGE pitch black closet after the door "slammed" behind me and the light went out with a horrible pterodactyl sounding screech (Sean followed me upstairs and waited till I went in the huge walk in closet...turned out the light that is on the outside of the closet and slammed the door while screaming.  Funny guy.)...or it's me setting Jaxton's motion activated skull to go off and say "Hey!  Where do you think you're goin?" when Sean walked by...when I wasn't home.  And imagining the scream...and him admitting that it didn't just get him once...but twice.  That will make your heart stop!  We have fun.  We make life fun.  We laugh so much that our stomachs hurt.  The kids have just as an important roll in the trickery; we all plan different "surprises" for each other.  Nobody can say we don't have fun.  Not one person can say we don't laugh or smile or make life a little easier.  We make memories...even if our lives are shortened by a few months every time we get the pee scared out of us.                   

Sorry kids, I'm never gonna be normal!

      I love having kids.  I could be all sentimental here and go on and on about how they have saved my life, brought me out of some of the darkest times imaginable, and made me laugh when I never thought it would be possible again.  The are fun to snuggle, buy things for, and teach ornery things to.  But.  Because I happen to be a not so traditional parent, my kids have gotten the benefit of having a rather "entertaining" childhood.  The most common phrase heard 'round the house of late happens to be "Mom, why can't you just be a normal Mom?".  Well, kids, cause I can't.  I refuse to drive a minivan (no offense to those that do; it's just not me) and I will NEVAH wear mom jeans (again, no offense).  I am more of a sing along with the song at the store~loudly~in order to embarrass my kids, or do the potty dance myself, just cause one of them has to pee... so that means I just better do the dance.  We all make sacrifices for our kids, right? 

These poor children deserve a normal mom.

     But.  My one area of pride and joy is this: I love answering a random, age appropriate question with an off the wall, even more random, totally wrong answer.  Like this:  "Mom, why is the sky blue?"  "Well, Jordy, cause God got mad at all the little blue Smurfs that were up there and crushed them with His feet.  So it made a pretty, blue rug for him to walk on, cause there were soooo many little blue Smurfs up there.  Point is, Jordy, don't make God mad.  And try not to step on little blue people"  Now.  Jordy's big brown eyes will get even bigger and rounder in amazement while trying to figure this all out.  Jax, on the other hand, is on to me.  His response?  Usually accompanied with eye rolling and sighing... "No, Mom, really.  Why is the sky blue?"  So for the fun game with Jax I take the opposite approach.  Just to tweak it a little bit I tell him the truth.  Yep.  The truth.  But I go way over board and tell him in such scientific detail that it just blows his ever lovin' mind.  His response?  Usually accompanied with eye rolling and sighing... "No, Mom, really.  Why is the sky blue?"  Can't win for losing.  Funny though that my son just doesn't believe the first thing I say, even if it is the truth (now that is just SAD).

Don't let 'em fool ya.  I've rubbed off on them just enough to make them fun!

     Either way, I choose to have fun.  I choose to be a fun mom.  And we laugh.  A lot.  I embarrass them.  A lot.  I have a feeling I will hear the question of when will I ever be a normal mom way more than I will ever care to count.  Someday, though, they will appreciate it.  When they realize that I wasn't one of "those" moms.  The stuffy, proper kind.  We won't ever have the Leave it to Beaver life.  I will never be Jane.  June.  Jean.  Whatever.  Point is, I will never feel obligated to "perform" to that standard.  The house won't be spotless.  The kids won't always be kept clean, or the best behaved...they do act a lot like me, after all.  Lucky lil' things.  They will be loved, though.  And they will laugh.  A lot.  I know I may not ever actually hear a "thank you" for it.  I will know how happy they were as kids by how much they will laugh as adults (I hear teenagers don't laugh, or smile so much.  I will just have to wait till after that stage).  Or at least I will tell myself that.   Look on the bright side...they will have lots of things to talk to their therapist about!

How we know we're having a good time: click RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW.
PS.  Uncle Nathan does know how to read.  He's rather smart, actually.  Not sure where she got that.

I am one proud mama right now...who wants to have plain 'ol normal kids, anyways?

Losing me

     This may come as a bit of a surprise to some, but I've never really been normal.  Whatever thought process the average, dull person was given at birth, I missed out on.  Now, in my adult years, I'm so grateful for this gift; as a child and teen, not so much.  I always knew I was a little bit different.  Not like I have short bus issues or anything, but I really haven't been one to fit into the mold anyone has wanted to put me in before.  And not different in the "it's time to come out of the closet" way.  (Felt obligated to clear that one up.)  Not so different in the "I feel the need to wear dark makeup and tons of body jewelry and tattoos and be all goth and dark and listen to weird music and read cynical poetry in random coffee houses to be different but yet look the same as everyone else trying to be different" either.  Just different.  Unique.  Not in a tangible, noticeable, or physical way really.  Inside, I felt like I had so much to say, yet when I tried to say it, everyone around me was trying their best to hush me.  Why?  I didn't say it in the way a young girl should say it.  I was opinionated.  Brash at times.  Completely random most other times.  Crazy.  Funny.  There wasn't a lot of thought put into what I was saying or doing; things just sorta were said without my thinking first.  My life was ran by my ungoverned thoughts, feelings, and actions.  At that time, it was completely age appropriate.
     As I moved through life, things changed.  I did grow and mature, but I never really lost that spunk and orneriness.  Problem with that, though, is there were a few select people in my life that just didn't like that part of me.  Funny thing is, those are the very reasons that drew me to these particular individuals, but eventually, those are the qualities and traits that probably caused the most resentment, pain, and hurt in those relationships.  All the eye rolling, head shaking, and down talking does a number to a person's head; all the years of trying to change me really did work.  I was actually told, time after time, that I needed to act like this, or look like that, and I can say I really developed a pretty deep complex from all of that.   Looking back, I became something I swore I never, ever would.  Changed.  Not myself anymore.  I was what everyone else wanted me to be.  It all happened slowly over a period of time; had it been a quick burst of demanded change I would have probably rebelled, as I should have.  But controlling people are smart.  They know how to gain that control and work people...they know it's a process.  And it was a process that I was slowly losing myself in.  Bit by bit.
     So how did I change?  I became someone I wasn't.  I cared what people thought about me too much.  Some concern is good, and natural.  It wasn't ME though.  If I said anything that was funny, or random, I was chided.  I was looked down on, or chastised.  The point was to hurt me, make me feel belittled, and the point was put across by any means necessary.  All in the name of "making me mature".  That's when the real changes in myself started.  My priorities shifted.  I started caring about money.  And what I had.  And the status it gave.  And then I started caring about hiding real life behind the facade of a happy life, like so many do but are afraid to admit to.  It was the snowball effect: every change I felt I had to make for someones happiness, the more the resentment grew.  The anger grew.  The hurt grew.  I was turning into a shell of my self.  All while knowing I would probably never, ever be able to be myself again.  The smile I had hid lots and lots of hurt.  But.  Life happens.  Lessons are learned.  And I've moved ahead.  One thing I am more than grateful for is the opportunities to grow and learn from what I can and where I've been and get back to being me...slowly.  It was a slow process to change into something I wasn't...it's been a slow process getting back.  With the healing love, grace and acceptance of those that really want the best for me and see the beauty in me for what I have to offer, I can slowly learn to trust those that I let the walls down for. 
     Reality hits when you have kids.  I see the beautiful differences the kids have that make them so unique and I want to do everything I can do to protect that in them.  I don't want the world to beat the compassionate heart, kind and gentle spirit, and loving personality out of Jax.  I worry that Jordy will lose her incredible imagination, her free spirit, and insane sense of humor.  They each have gifts that make them unique.  Gifts that God gave them to equip them to fulfill His purpose.  Not to be molded in to some boring, one-size-fits-all.  God is way more creative than that.
     I realize this is long and probably way more drawn out than it needs to be, but it's what I felt like needed to be said.  There's a lot more that could be said; way more to the story and so much between the lines.  I do need to say that this is a culmination of things through my life; not just one person's actions or from one specific period of time.  I don't want any kind of assumptions to be made based on one blog post.

      

Highs and Lows of a Random Monday

     If you're wanting a completely random glimpse into the better part of my day...welcome.  Today is the day.  I'll spare you the, umm, details and just give you the highlights. 

Jordy's own personal hell...these pictures.

     So one of my talents is the ability to produce a kidney infection at like pronto speed.  One minute no pain...then tons of pain and usually a fever.  Every thing's hunky dory...than bam.  Mucho paino.  No fun.  Wednesday (maybe Thursday.  Can't remember/kinda runs together) my talent resurfaced and I woke up with the fantastic back pain known as my personal hell.  Well, long story short and in depth details of peeing in cups left to the imagination, today I spent the better part of my morning looking for a new set of kidneys.  Needless to say, this anomaly tends to put me in a not so fantastic mood.  Dealing with not so smart college students didn't help to make it much better.  So trying to get some relief, all while working today cause I'm super woman like that, was no easy feat.  Oh and working with a smile on my face cause I gotta be nice and blah blah blah...Found out this wasn't my normal, run of the mill ordeal so now it's a whole new ball game...trying to get to the bottom of all of this is really starting to drive me crazy.  I really kinda like to know what's going on with me, especially when at times I'm whithering around on the floor in pain...okay, a bit of an exaggeration.  But not much.  That has to be the down side of my day.  Couldn't really imagine it being too much 'badder than that.
    On to the 'gooder stuff.  Forgive me.  I've been around my hickish kiddos.  This morning, I got to surprise Sean with a HUGE gift that I've been DYING to give to him.  I'm seriously like a kid at Christmas when it comes to giving gifts; according to him I've had a sheepish grin on my face for a while.  Even though I intended it to be a gift for a major holiday; there's a few biggins' coming up that it would have been perfect for.  I couldn't wait anymore so I set it up to surprise him at the most random time~cause that's how I like to do it~his reaction was priceless.  The true appreciation was so worth the effort that I'm not sure who was excited more...him for getting the gift or me for getting to be the one to give it to him!  Nice way to start the day, if you ask me.

Jax watching School House Rock on YouTube

     Best way to end the day?  Watching School House Rock on YouTube with the kiddos!  All 4 of us piled up on the couch watching old episodes from back in the 1900's, as Jordy likes to remind us, with a look of awe on her face.  The best part was watching Jax act like he was so cool and knew all the stuff already, but slowly he was getting into it all.  They were mesmerized.  Leave it to a kid totally spoiled with today's technology to ruin the feel goody moment by asking why it looks so funny though.  Things have really come a long ways in the last 25+ years (gasp!).
     Either way you look at it, all in all it was a pretty dang good day.  And I guess I just have to say thanks for sticking with it and reading all the way through.  Cause you must have had a pretty slow day yourself...if my day was interesting to you!

Today's disclaimer:  There is still somewhat of an effect of pain meds in my system as I write this.  So please take that into consideration...   

The first boy to ever steal my heart...

     I'm sure by the title of this blog you're expecting a Harlequin Romance novel.  Something that will make your heart stand still with anticipation...make your blood boil with passion...make the hair on the back of your neck stand up and tingle.  Sorry to disappoint you cause this ain't it.  It is, however, filled with first kisses, dancing in the dark, and spending countless hours talking about hopes and dreams.  It's about listening to fears, both real and absurd.  It's full of being silly, being ourselves and making memories that will be cherished a lifetime.  About putting my hopes, heart, and unconditional love into one single person.  It's all about trusting, without question.  And without any fear or doubts about being hurt.  The kind of love and relationship we all hope and dream about, and so many of us girls pray many countless hours for (Lord knows I have!).
     I will admit.  The first time I laid my eyes on him, he looked a little...well...rough.  Good thing looks aren't everything.  But it was instant.  We had that connection; something there that unless you've felt it, you really can't understand.  He wasn't really paying much attention to me, but I was cool with it.  We had plenty of time to get to know each other.  And we did.  He learned to rely on me to meet his every basic need; I found myself looking to him to fulfill some deep desire to feel loved.  Not that looking to him for love was healthy; sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.  Our closeness probably was made more intense due to the circumstances under which he came into my life.  There was heartache, turmoil and stress during the months leading up to our meeting, pain that continued well into the years that followed.  But that really didn't matter.  I finally wasn't alone anymore.  We were together in this world; finally I had someone with which I could share this road and journey.  He came into my life at the least expected time; probably the least opportune time really.  If ever there was a time for classic cliche' lines, this would be it: God works in mysterious ways.
    But we lived life.  Every day our love grew stronger and we continued to grow closer.  We spent our nights together, whispering how much I loved him and him returning the love just by the adoring look on his face.  Many, many nights we danced in the dark; the moonlight streaming in the window, bouncing off the furniture to cast shadows across the room.  These are the memories most cherished.  Although we continue to grow closer and our relationship continue to evolve day by day and year to year, we will never dance in the moonlight again.  We are past that.  The middle of the night talks, while they still happen, are fewer and farther between.  There are others who get to hear what is on his mind; they share little pieces of him that were once just mine to have.

The heart stealer

   I'm okay with this, I really am.  This is the way it has to be.  While he will always be my first true love, and he will always be mine, he will have to move on.  He will move on to love someone else; give his heart to that someone that God has already planned for him.  But I want to be the one he talks to about it.  If he will let me.  I have loved him so that he will love others.  Love others with a whole-hearted, no holds barred love, but with a special spot in his heart reserved for me.  Somehow, I really don't think that will ever be a problem...he may never dance in the moonlight with me, but we will always be able to laugh, to talk, to be sill, to be ourselves.

Pumpkins, Prayers, and Package Deals

          So there is a big day coming up in a few weeks and since I'm a sappy, happy kind of girl, it's making me think back over the past year and how freaking blessed I am.  It's been a year since I've met Sean, and boy has our world changed...for the better, of course!  I'll do you a favor and spare you the details this time of how we met, but don't think I won't post that one at some point!  One thing that I have been blown away about though is how the kids and Sean have built their relationships over this past year.  You'd think they've always known each other; the respect they have for each other really says a lot about the type of man he is.  For a single mom who hadn't really brought anyone around the kids before, I was really pretty freaked out about how this was all gonna go down.  Considering Jordy had been my guard dog and would get mad when the little checker-outer guy at Walmart would chit chat with me~"Don't talk to my mom!" was commonly heard~I didn't have too high of hopes when it came to them meeting Sean.  I should have know better; he's a natural when it comes to kids. 

      We decided to do the big introductions at a pumpkin carving party where there were other kids around for Jax and Jordy to meet and play with, and we thought that way it would at least be be on neutral territory.  They did great, running around and being themselves.  When it came time to clean out and carve the pumpkins, Sean and the kids worked great together, making some pretty awesome pumpkins.  Come to think of it...nobody really wanted mama's help!  The highlight of the night though was at the end when it was time to go.  We were heading out to the truck, saying our goodbye's and thank you's.  I noticed the kids were pretty hesitant to go; really holding back.  Jaxton, my little man around the house who is just as protective as his sister, asked me as serious as he could "Mom, can Sean spend the night?"  After I quit choking on my spit (I seem to do that a lot when caught off guard) and gathering my composure, I explained how that wasn't a good idea and wasn't going to happen.  Then, undeterred, Jax asked if Sean could come over in the morning for breakfast.  Again, telling him that we will see him again, but that breakfast was a little bit too early, both of their faces fell.  They were genuinely sad that they had to wait more than a few hours before they could see him again.  Watching them that night, I could see a lot in the ways that they interacted together, ways that have grown and developed into a relationship that goes past the "my mom's boyfriend" stuff.  There's a real mutual respect, understanding, and love there that, even though they may not have chosen each other, they have accepted each other for who they are.  They've all made the best of being part of a package deal.  I have to say, though, that I seriously got the easiest part of the deal...16 year old boys are SO MUCH EASIER!  I know that it's not an easy road to have a combined family; there are many statistics on the subject that can make your head spin.  But I also know that many, many (probably billions, if that's possible) hours of prayers have been answered.  Many nights I've prayed for this.  Watching our new relationships develop with each other is so exciting!  The kids are thrilled to have a new big "brother" to look up to...even Jordy, who acts all exasperated that now she has two big brothers around but deep down she really does love it and is a goofball anytime Tyler is around.  I am so blessed that God has given me this opportunity and thinks that I am worthy enough for this family...