Something I've really tried to instill in the kids is flexibility. Being flexible in life...learning how to go with the flow when life throws the changes that inevitable come. Because they will. I've never met anyone who has gone through life and it go the way the have it all planned out. And chances are, there hasn't ever been anyone that hasn't had a curve ball thrown their way now and again. So far, they've done a great job at adjusting to the changes that they've had to face and the changes they've gone through. What's funny though, is that those changes never stop. Even as adults our lives are constantly changing...the curve balls are still thrown our way.
I am so blessed to have the kids and the family that is capable of handling change the way that they do. The take everything in stride. Not to say things don't hurt, or that there aren't setbacks, because they do, and there are. There's a ton of pain in life, and nobody is exempt. We've gone through a lot of changes recently; most not a surprise and definitely not bad. But change is change, and learning to adapt and work with the newness is where the flexibility comes into play. I am so proud of how we can rally around each other and support each other, because that's what families do. We work together to make the best of any situation, and really go with the flow. Going through the adjustment period will take time, but through everything we grow closer and stronger.
If everything always stayed the same, we wouldn't learn to rely on God, or each other. We wouldn't pull together, turn in towards each other, or face adversity or change with the strength that we have been given. We, as a family, are a team. We back each other up. Help each other out. Not one of us could do it all alone or pull the weight of the other. All of us have to be flexible or none of this would work out. In the end, we are learning all about flexibility, grace, and the ultimate meaning of family. We might not be the "traditional" definition of a family, but then again...when have I ever been "traditional" in anything I do?
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
New Beginnings...
First and foremost, I refuse to make a list of mindless resolutions that I know are going to end up on the failure list. This seems to be a common occurrence year after year, so this year, I'm avoiding the trouble all together. I am, however, going to make my health and well being, both physical and spiritual, a priority. Over the past several years, I have definitely put these things on the back burner, and with everything going on in our lives, I really need to be in my best shape to be able to manage effectively. Short of the usual "eat better...lose weight", I am resolving to drink more (or some!) water everyday, which means giving up the Coke that seems to be my usual companion through the day. Sadly, water just doesn't taste as good, but with a few heath issues of late, I know I need to. Not giving up my caffeine entirely, though, because I would be a beast. And nobody would want that, trust me. As for the spiritual side, I am resolving to set aside time each day to pray/read the bible. If I have the time to play on Facebook and Pinterest, than by all means I have the time to spend enriching my life for the better! I've found some great resources that really seem to be tailored to where I am in my life right now, so that will help me on through this year of busyness!
Something else I'm doing this year is completing one project per month. This month, for January, Sean and I decided that by the end of the month we are going to have the housing situation all figured out and the ball rolling on purchasing our house. We have several different ideas and options we are working on and it's decision time...so setting that deadline to make the time to get this done is our first project. That will be one less ball in the air we are juggling by month's end, and needless to say, it's a nice relief to see a light at the end of that tunnel! It may not seem like a huge accomplishment to some, but to us...it is!
2012 is shaping up to be a huge year for our family full of some exciting changes. I know God has some awesome adventures for all of us, and by keeping our goals in sight the small challenges will seem much easier to overcome. And I've learned the secret...by not bogging myself down with unattainable goals I know I can't meet, I won't get discouraged by February 12th, and think I'm a complete failure. Tah dah!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Losing me
This may come as a bit of a surprise to some, but I've never really been normal. Whatever thought process the average, dull person was given at birth, I missed out on. Now, in my adult years, I'm so grateful for this gift; as a child and teen, not so much. I always knew I was a little bit different. Not like I have short bus issues or anything, but I really haven't been one to fit into the mold anyone has wanted to put me in before. And not different in the "it's time to come out of the closet" way. (Felt obligated to clear that one up.) Not so different in the "I feel the need to wear dark makeup and tons of body jewelry and tattoos and be all goth and dark and listen to weird music and read cynical poetry in random coffee houses to be different but yet look the same as everyone else trying to be different" either. Just different. Unique. Not in a tangible, noticeable, or physical way really. Inside, I felt like I had so much to say, yet when I tried to say it, everyone around me was trying their best to hush me. Why? I didn't say it in the way a young girl should say it. I was opinionated. Brash at times. Completely random most other times. Crazy. Funny. There wasn't a lot of thought put into what I was saying or doing; things just sorta were said without my thinking first. My life was ran by my ungoverned thoughts, feelings, and actions. At that time, it was completely age appropriate.
As I moved through life, things changed. I did grow and mature, but I never really lost that spunk and orneriness. Problem with that, though, is there were a few select people in my life that just didn't like that part of me. Funny thing is, those are the very reasons that drew me to these particular individuals, but eventually, those are the qualities and traits that probably caused the most resentment, pain, and hurt in those relationships. All the eye rolling, head shaking, and down talking does a number to a person's head; all the years of trying to change me really did work. I was actually told, time after time, that I needed to act like this, or look like that, and I can say I really developed a pretty deep complex from all of that. Looking back, I became something I swore I never, ever would. Changed. Not myself anymore. I was what everyone else wanted me to be. It all happened slowly over a period of time; had it been a quick burst of demanded change I would have probably rebelled, as I should have. But controlling people are smart. They know how to gain that control and work people...they know it's a process. And it was a process that I was slowly losing myself in. Bit by bit.
So how did I change? I became someone I wasn't. I cared what people thought about me too much. Some concern is good, and natural. It wasn't ME though. If I said anything that was funny, or random, I was chided. I was looked down on, or chastised. The point was to hurt me, make me feel belittled, and the point was put across by any means necessary. All in the name of "making me mature". That's when the real changes in myself started. My priorities shifted. I started caring about money. And what I had. And the status it gave. And then I started caring about hiding real life behind the facade of a happy life, like so many do but are afraid to admit to. It was the snowball effect: every change I felt I had to make for someones happiness, the more the resentment grew. The anger grew. The hurt grew. I was turning into a shell of my self. All while knowing I would probably never, ever be able to be myself again. The smile I had hid lots and lots of hurt. But. Life happens. Lessons are learned. And I've moved ahead. One thing I am more than grateful for is the opportunities to grow and learn from what I can and where I've been and get back to being me...slowly. It was a slow process to change into something I wasn't...it's been a slow process getting back. With the healing love, grace and acceptance of those that really want the best for me and see the beauty in me for what I have to offer, I can slowly learn to trust those that I let the walls down for.
Reality hits when you have kids. I see the beautiful differences the kids have that make them so unique and I want to do everything I can do to protect that in them. I don't want the world to beat the compassionate heart, kind and gentle spirit, and loving personality out of Jax. I worry that Jordy will lose her incredible imagination, her free spirit, and insane sense of humor. They each have gifts that make them unique. Gifts that God gave them to equip them to fulfill His purpose. Not to be molded in to some boring, one-size-fits-all. God is way more creative than that.
I realize this is long and probably way more drawn out than it needs to be, but it's what I felt like needed to be said. There's a lot more that could be said; way more to the story and so much between the lines. I do need to say that this is a culmination of things through my life; not just one person's actions or from one specific period of time. I don't want any kind of assumptions to be made based on one blog post.
As I moved through life, things changed. I did grow and mature, but I never really lost that spunk and orneriness. Problem with that, though, is there were a few select people in my life that just didn't like that part of me. Funny thing is, those are the very reasons that drew me to these particular individuals, but eventually, those are the qualities and traits that probably caused the most resentment, pain, and hurt in those relationships. All the eye rolling, head shaking, and down talking does a number to a person's head; all the years of trying to change me really did work. I was actually told, time after time, that I needed to act like this, or look like that, and I can say I really developed a pretty deep complex from all of that. Looking back, I became something I swore I never, ever would. Changed. Not myself anymore. I was what everyone else wanted me to be. It all happened slowly over a period of time; had it been a quick burst of demanded change I would have probably rebelled, as I should have. But controlling people are smart. They know how to gain that control and work people...they know it's a process. And it was a process that I was slowly losing myself in. Bit by bit.
So how did I change? I became someone I wasn't. I cared what people thought about me too much. Some concern is good, and natural. It wasn't ME though. If I said anything that was funny, or random, I was chided. I was looked down on, or chastised. The point was to hurt me, make me feel belittled, and the point was put across by any means necessary. All in the name of "making me mature". That's when the real changes in myself started. My priorities shifted. I started caring about money. And what I had. And the status it gave. And then I started caring about hiding real life behind the facade of a happy life, like so many do but are afraid to admit to. It was the snowball effect: every change I felt I had to make for someones happiness, the more the resentment grew. The anger grew. The hurt grew. I was turning into a shell of my self. All while knowing I would probably never, ever be able to be myself again. The smile I had hid lots and lots of hurt. But. Life happens. Lessons are learned. And I've moved ahead. One thing I am more than grateful for is the opportunities to grow and learn from what I can and where I've been and get back to being me...slowly. It was a slow process to change into something I wasn't...it's been a slow process getting back. With the healing love, grace and acceptance of those that really want the best for me and see the beauty in me for what I have to offer, I can slowly learn to trust those that I let the walls down for.
Reality hits when you have kids. I see the beautiful differences the kids have that make them so unique and I want to do everything I can do to protect that in them. I don't want the world to beat the compassionate heart, kind and gentle spirit, and loving personality out of Jax. I worry that Jordy will lose her incredible imagination, her free spirit, and insane sense of humor. They each have gifts that make them unique. Gifts that God gave them to equip them to fulfill His purpose. Not to be molded in to some boring, one-size-fits-all. God is way more creative than that.
I realize this is long and probably way more drawn out than it needs to be, but it's what I felt like needed to be said. There's a lot more that could be said; way more to the story and so much between the lines. I do need to say that this is a culmination of things through my life; not just one person's actions or from one specific period of time. I don't want any kind of assumptions to be made based on one blog post.
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